MARRIAGE IS AWESOME BUT IS ALSO THE MOST CHALLENGING THING. Can I just express that really quickly? I realize I have absolutely very little wisdom to add to this since I have been married for a whopping year, but in that year I have realized just how great and sanctifying marriage is. Yes, Dustin and I get to do life together, we get to make decisions together (some easy and some hard), we get to see each other every day, we will one day start a family of our own, we know each other on the deepest and most intimate levels and there is nothing about me that Dustin doesn't know about and vice versa. Sure, we get to laugh and have meaningful conversation with each other every day. But over the past year and a couple months, I have been so incredibly thankful for someone who daily encourages me to be more like Jesus. We have had and will continue to have our trials, but during these various trials, I have realized that Dustin's strengths are my absolute weaknesses.  He is always positive, and I tend to be more negative.   He thinks long and hard before he speaks, I say whatever is on my mind and often end up thinking "oh man, I probably shouldn't have said that" then proceed by texting an apology to whomever I offended. His motto in life is "calm and confident".. and mine tends to be "stress and be a nervous nelly all of the time" If our purpose is to glorify our Creator in every aspect of our life, how grateful I am for someone who will stop me dead in my tracks and say "wait, hold on, let's look at this a different way." If marriage is meant to model Christ's love for the church, then we must hold our marriage covenant with the highest regard and it must be characterized by sacrificial, steadfast love, respect, and forgiveness.  Now, lets not get too crazy... there are some days (maybe a lot) that we struggle with this. By NOOOO means do we have a perfect marriage, but hey, its a marathon, not a race, right?! There are many times that we both get sick of each other, disagree, and see things from completely different perspectives. There are times when he drives me crazy and even more times when I drive him crazy. We are both learning some major lessons of patience in this season of life but in completely different ways.  He is going through things that no one who hasn't done what he is doing, can possibly understand. But, as his wife, all I can do is pray for him, love him, encourage him, and do my best to take over the other aspects of our life that he just doesn't have the time or energy to think about. Does he love working while I get to travel, stay home, and enjoy being able to do things that I wouldn't be able to if I was working full time in a hospital? Not really, but he loves being able to provide and he loves knowing I am beyond thankful and happy to be able to do those things I am passionate about outside of nursing. Do I love cleaning, cooking, packing, moving, figuring out all the logistics of life in Dallas? Not really, but I love knowing that when he gets home, he can physically and mentally relax because life at home is calm and fairly under control (minus the smell of burnt cookies--still working on these sub-par baking skills of mine).  Anyway, I am just so thankful for this guy of mine. What an unbelievable journey we have had the past 7 years!

prom '08

DUSTIN MADE THE 53 MAN ROSTER! THANK YOU LORD FOR ALL OF THESE UNDESERVED BLESSINGS!

But, wait, let me backtrack to how he got to this point. So the game in San Diego was absolutely insane! Dustin got in and played with such poise and confidence that it immediately demanded people's attention. To put it lightly, we (Gina, Scott, Dillon, and I) were complete fools. Well, okay, Gina, Dillon, and I were complete fools. Dustin clearly gets his poise from his father (although I know he wanted to scream and act like the rest of us... the doctor in him just makes him better at hiding his emotions in PUBLIC but we all know he was boiling with pride and excitement inside.)  I met a couple of the women after the game (they knew who we were with because we were the idiots in the stands going nuts even though the Cowboys were losing) and the girls ended up staying in Oxnard while I was there. They were SO welcoming and inviting and that really eased some anxiety I had. The Cowboys came home for good on August 15 and played the Ravens the next day. Dustin threw his first TD and of course, we all went insane! They then went down and played in Miami and he got playing time in the fourth quarter to which it was.. well.. just kinda uneventful. He went into a lot of detail about the events of that game but like I have said before, I still have no idea what he is talking about when he talks football with me. To summarize how he felt about the game "it was alright." The fouth preseason game was huge for him as the Cowboys played the Broncos and Dustin played for 2 1/2 quarters. One thing that has been absolutely amazing has been the support we have received from so many people. We have received so many texts, facebook messages, tweets, phone calls, etc. with people expressing their support and love. From our families to our friends to our hometown community to our college communities to people we have never met before, people have let us know how proud they are of Dustin. In fact, we have gotten some good laughs in because the support has been... overwhelming at times. But we know that people have been praying for Dustin and it means the world to us that so many people are excited for us. What a complete blessing to know we have SO many people praying for us and encouraging us along in this journey.  His parents have been so great throughout this entire time and have done such an amazing job of balancing being Dustin's proud parents and respecting him being an adult. That may not make any sense... but it works in my head, so we'll just go with it. But anyway, they are just.. so awesome and I am BEYOND thankful for those two. How I want to pray constantly and love and think of others first as Gina does. How I want Dustin to be just like his dad: wise, patient, and respected by all. Although people can look up articles and watch the Cowboys play, what most people don't see is the journey these players go through on a day to day basis. What a privilege it has been to watch my husband face this battle every single day. He wakes up around 5:30, goes to work, comes home around 5, we talk about our days, he may take a short nap or watch tv for a little bit, we have dinner once Blaine and Sam come home, then he spends the next couple of hours on his iPad watching and re-winding film, and occasionally adding insight to whatever the rest of us are chatting about or doing. This process can be brutal on these guys with the constant "what-ifs" rolling through their mind. I tell Dustin every day how proud I am because I have been been beyond amazed how he has handled the pressure and stress of having a job that can have such a "revolving door" aspect to it. He is confident in his God-given abilities, is beyond smart and such a quick learner, and puts his whole heart and effort into playing for the Dallas Cowboys. Dustin is so patient with this process and is truly the hardest worker I know. So, for those of y'all who are proud.. be even prouder because his hard work, passion, humility, and love for the game is 100% genuine.  He is such an amazing husband who makes sure he hugs and kisses me every day and asks me every day how I am doing with everything. Let me say, I am SO glad he is the one with the job he has and not me.. because there have been days I have been a crying, stressed out, emotional mess.  The over-achieving Courtney who has had her life planned out from day one, has had some major growth this summer learning to completely trust in the Lord's plan for our lives and learning how to be content in every situation... even if that means being 24, unemployed, and being still at home (with a bum foot) more than I would like. Anyway, I could go on and on but that would just embarrass him even more that I probably already have.  So finishing up. Just a fun story to finish with. So two weeks ago, I was walking to the bathroom at night and stubbed my toe on a metal bar stool. Welll... I looked down and my pinky toe was at a 45 degree angle out and completely twisted so my toenail was facing the outside of my foot. Anyway, I laughed and made sure and showed Dustin, Sam, and Blaine before Dustin decided he would put it back into place. (PS. I am the most accident prone, klutz of a human being.. thanks for passing that trait down to me, mom). Well, a couple trips to a doctor's office later, I find out my toe wasn't dislocated, but was broken and Dustin realigned it for me. The orthopedic surgeon I saw said he was very impressed with Dustin's work. So, I guess those years of shadowing Dr. Parker in Amarillo really paid off! Anyway, for those concerned, my toe is still intact and healing well.  DUSTIN IS A DALLAS COWBOY!

Today is the day! Today is the day I get to travel to San Diego and begin my week long Califonia adventure. As I sit on the plane daydreaming while looking out the window, I can't help but praise God for this unbelievable summer. I have been able to do things and be around family that I haven't been able to do in years. I was able to go to Jackson Hole with my family for a while which was UNBELIEVABLY GORGEOUS! Goodness, praise God! How he has made me grow on so many levels but how incredible this journey has been so far. As Rich wisely told Dustin "May this process bring you to your knees" and how true those words have become. I've battled feelings and thoughts of entitlement of "Dustin deserves this", a prideful heart, anxiety, and just not fully trusting God's plan for our lives.  Crazy as it sounds, I've even thought "WHY CAN'T MY HUSBAND JUST HAVE A STABLE JOB THAT WE CAN CONTROL WHERE WE LIVE AND HOW LONG WE STAY IN A PLACE?" AGAIN. CRAZY. As I sit here the day before he plays, my biggest fear is that he won't get an opportunity. At the end of the day, I hope Dustin can smile and say with confidence that he did all he could. Like so many things in life, the hardest part is just getting the chance to prove to others that he does belong and that he can hang with the best. Let the praying from all his prayer warriors continue!

Today is the official start of Dustin's time in California. Two weeks ago we moved in to the spare bedroom at Blaine and Sam's house. The Merrick family was a complete blessing in our lives, but we decided it would be best for my mental sanity to move in with Blaine and Sam while Dustin is gone for a month. Sam is home for the summer since he is a high school football coach/teacher and Blaine is on maternity leave so we figured I probably would have been coming over here every day anyway. During this process, I know I am going to be so thankful to be surrounded and living with Blaine and Sam to help encourage, support, and distract me. I also love that I have been able to see Gracen grow and love being with her every single day. I am continually amazed by how gracious the Lord has been to us and am excited to see what He will continue to do through Dustin in Califonia. The verse that keeps coming to my mind is Proverbs 19:21 "Many are the plans in a human heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." As much as I would love to stay in Dallas, I know that we are going to be placed according to His Purpose. What a comfort and joy to know that this whole thing is covered.

On Thursday, June 12, sweet baby Gracen arrived! She was born at 3:16 pm, weighed 9 lbs, 10 oz and was 20 3/4 inches long! Blaine and baby went home a few days after Gracen was born and are doing so great in their new home! Mom stayed in Dallas for over a week and oh my goodness, how I want to learn how to love and serve others as she does! Blaine and Sam moved into their new home when Gracen was a week old (yeah, so not ideal timing), so mom helped pack and move them, cooked dinner, stocked their fridge, cleaned, and ran errands so Blaine and Sam could take time to focus on themselves and baby. I am so beyond thankful for that woman in my life and how I so want to be just like her! Dustin finished his last mandatory practices a couple days ago and is off for the next three weeks. He decided he wanted to stay in Dallas because he wants to take this time to work out and study hard before he leaves for training camp in California. The past couple weeks I have been giving volleyball lessons and training for a half marathon--both things that I have been wanting to do for a while. Training for this half marathon has been SO good for me because it has given me something to work for since I haven't been able to actually work since I can't really commit to a job right now. I decided to run the half on June 8.. and race day is on June 28.. so I haven't really given myself much time to train but again, my competitive nature has kinda taken over. A verse that has really hit me these last couple of weeks is 1 Thessalonians 5:16. There are days that I desire stability and want to know that Dustin has a job so I can commit to a job, have a permanent place to call home (that's not our storage unit in Irving with all of our stuff in it) and so want someone to walk up to me and say "God told me y'all are staying in Dallas." That clearly is not how things usually work. Although God's plan for our lives is not going to be mailed to me (or my parent's home address in Corpus because we don't really have a permanent address right now... can you tell I'm struggling with the lack of stability, today?) 1 Thessalonians 5:16 says this "Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" BOOM! THERE IS SOMETHING I CAN DO RIGHT NOW! GOD'S WILL IS WRITTEN OUT FOR ME! I can rejoice and give thanks for the circumstance God placed us in and I can pray continuously for Dustin and for the adventure that is ahead. As I continue to battle wanting stability and wanting a crystal ball to tell me what the future holds, I can rest in this verse. Thankful for a God who daily bears our burdens for us!  PS. How STINKING cute is this little niece of mine?!

Happy Memorial Day! I have had so many moments these last couple of weeks of just stopping and thanking my God for what he has laid before us. He placed us in Dallas-close to family, friends, and people we know and how my heart just screams with joy. I've said it before, and I will continue to say this... we are so undeserving of this adventure but how thankful I am for the Lord's blessings. The family we are living with is beyond wonderful! The Merricks are so generous and supportive and have really taken time to get to know us and have allowed us to get to know their family. What a complete blessing from the Lord to allow us to live with such a great family! I honestly have no idea how people do this when they go to a city away from home and do not know a single soul. But, because I know there are so many people who do it, I am so thankful that we at least started off in Dallas where we can get our feet wet as we learn what life in the NFL is like while surrounded by family and friends. What a complete joy to learn what it means to live by faith in trusting a God whose hands have been covering us all along from day one! What a complete joy to know that there is nothing I can do besides pray for, encourage, love, and support Dustin (and maybe cook a meal or two for him) along this journey and that our future is not in my hands at all. I really battled with this whole "not being in control thing" for a while. I am such a "do-er" and a go-getter that it was really hard for me to just sit back and watch the Lord work without overanalyzing everything and trying to make matters in my own hands. And let's be honest, is there really anything I can do to make sure Dustin makes the 53 man roster? I am still learning what a defensive end does and what holding is (okay, I'm exaggerating... well, kinda). But what a joy that there is even nothing Dustin can do besides work hard and try to make every day better than the day before.  If it is His will for us to be in Dallas, the Lord will continue to provide. If it is His will that we move to a different city, the Lord will provide. What a joy that we serve such a loving, generous, forgiving, and faithful God! What is He teaching me in this time? 1. To trust in Him 2. To fully enjoy and be thankful for this time 3. To be intentional--to be intentional with finding friendships, getting involved in church and other activities that I enjoy doing, and finding things to do to keep my 24-year-old-unemployed-always-have-to-be-doing-something-but-I-don't-like-watching-tv-self busy

Well, it's official! Dustin is a Dallas Cowboy!! The draft happened May 8, 9, and 10 and was filled with 3 non-stop days of emotional highs and lows. Prior to the draft, Dustin received phone calls had three private work outs. Before the draft, I was nervous, excited, anxious but overall ready to face the adventure ahead while doing it together. Drew was 100% amazing and we are so thankful for a man who believes his best quality is his ability to give good advice. Now trust me when I say Drew did some SERIOUS advice giving those three days... especially once free agency opened up. With five minutes to make a decision, Dustin and I had to step outside and quickly pray and talk about the situation at hand to figure out which direction we were going. Once we made a decision, there were definitely some major tears shed by me at this point because the decision we made was not the one I had necessarily selfishly hoped for. But it was the one Drew said would be best and we trusted his advice because we know he wants nothing but the best for us. In an insane turn of events and about six phone calls and one unanswered phone call later,  we get the news that we are going to Dallas.. the team I had selfishly so wanted to at least start our NFL journey with. Tears and tears and laughter and smiles filled the room! What a day to remember with some of the people we love and who love us the most! Sunday morning, the day after we found out we were going to Dallas, Dustin gets a phone call while we are at church from someone within the Cowboys organization that said they put Dustin on a flight to Dallas at 7 pm THAT night, and oh yeah, he'll be in Dallas for seven weeks. Thank goodness we had been in Corpus for a week so he had quite a few clothes with him since we had been planning on going back to Canyon before he left for training. After frantically doing laundry and packing his bags, I dropped him off at the airport with a huge lump in my throat. MY HUSBAND WAS LIVING HIS CHILDHOOD DREAM OF BECOMING AN NFL QUARTERBACK! Right now, Dustin will be at rookie camp for seven weeks and will have weekends off. My mom, Dustin's mom, and I are going to pack our house in Canyon and move it all into a storage unit in Dallas. A dear family friend, Darian, set us up with an amazing living situation while we are in Dallas. We are going to live in one of her church friend's backhouses for a little while until we can figure out what our next step will be. With the first few days of workouts completed, I am so amazed by Dustin's confidence, humility, and patience with this entire process and being thrown into the "professional athlete" category.

How cool is it that Dustin is at the NFL combine right now?! What a surreal, once in a lifetime opportunity that not many people can say they have achieved. As I sit and watch him on TV the next couple of days, I know anxiety is going to take over. Watching your future on TV without having any control over what happens, is a little nervewracking. As much as I have told myself to relax, enjoy the ride, and trust the Lord, why is it so hard to do just that? Why do I feel like God is going to abandon us now?! Even if Dustin doesn't play in the NFL, God's plans are so much better than my own, yet why does my flesh forget this and try to take over?! He was with Dustin at the NFLPA bowl game in Carson, CA, and I fully know that he is preparing Dustin for something great!

Before I go to bed each night, I always find myself replaying the events of the day. Usually thoughts are focused on how many billion steps I took walking from patient room to patient room, or how many call lights went off because "he pressed it on accident", or how many IVs decided to go bad at 6:15 pm while getting two admissions, or how many times I got kicked in the chest and spit at by a two year old who doesn't want to take his medicine. But as I lay here tonight, I am deeply challenged by this thought: how many times did I let opportunities pass me up today... Opportunities to love others, to show my heart belongs to Jesus, to have the attention less on me and more on Him. At work, I'm tired, stressed, and just exhausted. But does that excuse me from showing kindness in all I do, whether it be a patient, family member, co worker? Absolutely not.  Tonight I am praising God for his forgiveness when we are so undeserving. Tonight I am praising God that his mercies are new each morning. Lamentations 3:22-23 "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness"

You know I thought I had this whole long distance shenanigans down. But it turns out long distance marriage is way more challenging than long distance dating. With Dustin training in Dallas the past few months, I've really been doing some much needed soul searching. Although I won't go into great detail, those who know me best know this time period has been challenging in almost every way possible. Although my attitude can be... well flat out horrible some days, my heart remains so beyond thankful because the Lord has blessed us way more than we deserve. Dustin has the most amazing agent, Drew Pittman, guiding us through his journey in the NFL. We trust him like we trust our parents and are so thankful we have a godly man with integrity who is great at what he does. His QB coach who is training him this spring is equally as amazing and long story short-before Dustin's senior year of high school, Dustin was at a QB camp and Richard Bartel, his QB coach, was playing in the NFL at the time. When someone asked Rich who has the most potential to be an NFL QB of the guys at the camp, Rich responded with Dustin's number. Fast forward six years, and it is Rich who is helping make Dustin's dream of becoming an NFL QB a reality. Some may say that connection is just because we live in a small world, but I think it is because the God we serve is HUGE. There was a period of time that I was struggling with the uncertainty of our future. Of course  I wanted him to chase his dream... but the odds of playing in the NFL are so low that all rational human thinking inside me was fighting with "we've got to have a back up plan." Do we have a back up plan? Nope, not really. But what we have is the continuous promises that the Lord will always provide. One of my favorite verses is Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." Dustin loves playing football but God may have such a greater plan for him that may or may not include football. But he's in control, not courtney. Phew! Thank goodness for that! And he knows our hearts more than we know our own. So as this journey and unknown adventure continues, I know my heart will continue to be changed and molded. May my prayer be like David's "show me  your ways, Lord, teach me your plans. Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are my God my Savior, and hope is in you all day" Psalm 25:4-5