How cool is it that Dustin is at the NFL combine right now?! What a surreal, once in a lifetime opportunity that not many people can say they have achieved. As I sit and watch him on TV the next couple of days, I know anxiety is going to take over. Watching your future on TV without having any control over what happens, is a little nervewracking. As much as I have told myself to relax, enjoy the ride, and trust the Lord, why is it so hard to do just that? Why do I feel like God is going to abandon us now?! Even if Dustin doesn't play in the NFL, God's plans are so much better than my own, yet why does my flesh forget this and try to take over?! He was with Dustin at the NFLPA bowl game in Carson, CA, and I fully know that he is preparing Dustin for something great!

Before I go to bed each night, I always find myself replaying the events of the day. Usually thoughts are focused on how many billion steps I took walking from patient room to patient room, or how many call lights went off because "he pressed it on accident", or how many IVs decided to go bad at 6:15 pm while getting two admissions, or how many times I got kicked in the chest and spit at by a two year old who doesn't want to take his medicine. But as I lay here tonight, I am deeply challenged by this thought: how many times did I let opportunities pass me up today... Opportunities to love others, to show my heart belongs to Jesus, to have the attention less on me and more on Him. At work, I'm tired, stressed, and just exhausted. But does that excuse me from showing kindness in all I do, whether it be a patient, family member, co worker? Absolutely not.  Tonight I am praising God for his forgiveness when we are so undeserving. Tonight I am praising God that his mercies are new each morning. Lamentations 3:22-23 "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness"

You know I thought I had this whole long distance shenanigans down. But it turns out long distance marriage is way more challenging than long distance dating. With Dustin training in Dallas the past few months, I've really been doing some much needed soul searching. Although I won't go into great detail, those who know me best know this time period has been challenging in almost every way possible. Although my attitude can be... well flat out horrible some days, my heart remains so beyond thankful because the Lord has blessed us way more than we deserve. Dustin has the most amazing agent, Drew Pittman, guiding us through his journey in the NFL. We trust him like we trust our parents and are so thankful we have a godly man with integrity who is great at what he does. His QB coach who is training him this spring is equally as amazing and long story short-before Dustin's senior year of high school, Dustin was at a QB camp and Richard Bartel, his QB coach, was playing in the NFL at the time. When someone asked Rich who has the most potential to be an NFL QB of the guys at the camp, Rich responded with Dustin's number. Fast forward six years, and it is Rich who is helping make Dustin's dream of becoming an NFL QB a reality. Some may say that connection is just because we live in a small world, but I think it is because the God we serve is HUGE. There was a period of time that I was struggling with the uncertainty of our future. Of course  I wanted him to chase his dream... but the odds of playing in the NFL are so low that all rational human thinking inside me was fighting with "we've got to have a back up plan." Do we have a back up plan? Nope, not really. But what we have is the continuous promises that the Lord will always provide. One of my favorite verses is Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." Dustin loves playing football but God may have such a greater plan for him that may or may not include football. But he's in control, not courtney. Phew! Thank goodness for that! And he knows our hearts more than we know our own. So as this journey and unknown adventure continues, I know my heart will continue to be changed and molded. May my prayer be like David's "show me  your ways, Lord, teach me your plans. Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are my God my Savior, and hope is in you all day" Psalm 25:4-5