How cool is it that Dustin is at the NFL combine right now?! What a surreal, once in a lifetime opportunity that not many people can say they have achieved. As I sit and watch him on TV the next couple of days, I know anxiety is going to take over. Watching your future on TV without having any control over what happens, is a little nervewracking. As much as I have told myself to relax, enjoy the ride, and trust the Lord, why is it so hard to do just that? Why do I feel like God is going to abandon us now?! Even if Dustin doesn't play in the NFL, God's plans are so much better than my own, yet why does my flesh forget this and try to take over?! He was with Dustin at the NFLPA bowl game in Carson, CA, and I fully know that he is preparing Dustin for something great!

Before I go to bed each night, I always find myself replaying the events of the day. Usually thoughts are focused on how many billion steps I took walking from patient room to patient room, or how many call lights went off because "he pressed it on accident", or how many IVs decided to go bad at 6:15 pm while getting two admissions, or how many times I got kicked in the chest and spit at by a two year old who doesn't want to take his medicine. But as I lay here tonight, I am deeply challenged by this thought: how many times did I let opportunities pass me up today... Opportunities to love others, to show my heart belongs to Jesus, to have the attention less on me and more on Him. At work, I'm tired, stressed, and just exhausted. But does that excuse me from showing kindness in all I do, whether it be a patient, family member, co worker? Absolutely not.  Tonight I am praising God for his forgiveness when we are so undeserving. Tonight I am praising God that his mercies are new each morning. Lamentations 3:22-23 "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness"

You know I thought I had this whole long distance shenanigans down. But it turns out long distance marriage is way more challenging than long distance dating. With Dustin training in Dallas the past few months, I've really been doing some much needed soul searching. Although I won't go into great detail, those who know me best know this time period has been challenging in almost every way possible. Although my attitude can be... well flat out horrible some days, my heart remains so beyond thankful because the Lord has blessed us way more than we deserve. Dustin has the most amazing agent, Drew Pittman, guiding us through his journey in the NFL. We trust him like we trust our parents and are so thankful we have a godly man with integrity who is great at what he does. His QB coach who is training him this spring is equally as amazing and long story short-before Dustin's senior year of high school, Dustin was at a QB camp and Richard Bartel, his QB coach, was playing in the NFL at the time. When someone asked Rich who has the most potential to be an NFL QB of the guys at the camp, Rich responded with Dustin's number. Fast forward six years, and it is Rich who is helping make Dustin's dream of becoming an NFL QB a reality. Some may say that connection is just because we live in a small world, but I think it is because the God we serve is HUGE. There was a period of time that I was struggling with the uncertainty of our future. Of course  I wanted him to chase his dream... but the odds of playing in the NFL are so low that all rational human thinking inside me was fighting with "we've got to have a back up plan." Do we have a back up plan? Nope, not really. But what we have is the continuous promises that the Lord will always provide. One of my favorite verses is Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." Dustin loves playing football but God may have such a greater plan for him that may or may not include football. But he's in control, not courtney. Phew! Thank goodness for that! And he knows our hearts more than we know our own. So as this journey and unknown adventure continues, I know my heart will continue to be changed and molded. May my prayer be like David's "show me  your ways, Lord, teach me your plans. Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are my God my Savior, and hope is in you all day" Psalm 25:4-5

As a Christ follower I believe we are made to live out of our comfort zone. It is out of our comfort zone that we experience the Comforter and it is here we realize that all we need is Jesus. God is so beyond faithful and will always provide... we just may experience some major growth and lessons along the way. How am I living out of my comfort zone, you ask? Exactly. I don't feel I am. But before I begin preaching, let me back track. When I was two my parents got divorced, but by the time I was six both parents were remarried and it wasn't until my teenage years that I began to realize how incredibly blessed I am to have grown up with four parents. My parents preached and prayed scripture over my siblings and me and taught us that Jesus is the only thing that can be our number one.  From being a foster home in high school, to attending a summer camp in Missouri, to attending numerous volleyball camps in and out of state in which I didn't know anyone else, my parents taught me that life's greatest blessings come when we learn that all we have is Jesus and that He is the same everywhere. When the time came to choose which college I wanted to attend, my parents opened up a map of the US and said "Go! Wherever you want!... Just make sure you end up marrying a guy from Texas" (to which I stayed obedient to).  As most of you know, Villanova was the university I chose. After committing to Villanova fall of my senior year of high school, I was overwhelmed with feelings of excitement and anxiety. But fall 2008 arrived and I found myself in the small, private Catholic school that sat about 25 minutes outside of Philadelphia. Fast forward four years and how would I describe my college experience? The time of my life? A complete blast? Nope. College was 100% uncomfortable and challenging the entire time. From feeling like I was one of a handful of Christians on the entire campus for the first couple years, to having a less than successful personal volleyball career, to breaking my right arm twice, to playing a division 1 sport while attending nursing school, to being 1500 miles away from my family and boyfriend, to living in the liberal northeast that was much different from the conservative, southern town I grew up in. College was HARD for me. However, my college years were characterized by times of some serious personal and spiritual growth.  There were times I experienced such deep, hidden loneliness despite constantly being surrounded by people and my teammates who I loved dearly. I so clearly remembering waking up and crying out "Lord, give me the strength to get out of bed today." However, I am an unbelievably blessed and undeserving girl for I have some of the most amazing people in my life. I knew without a doubt that my parents, my boyfriend (who is now my husband), his parents, and others in our families and friends-that-are-family circle praying for me every single day. Praise the Lord that He also put some people in my life at Villanova to encourage me spiritually, it just took a while for me to see it. (Thank you,  Lord, for the Victory in Christ Varsity Athlete's Bible Study! And of course for those sweet friends that helped me along the way) Let me say again, our God is SO good and SO faithful even if we can't see him at times.  Now of course, don't get me wrong, I met my best friends in college and even though we are all very different, we took care of each other and I am forever grateful for them (and our group text that goes off about every other day).  I also am beyond grateful for the opportunities and life lessons my head coach gave me through volleyball with traveling,  getting an incredible education at a prestigious university paid for, being a part of a team, and being something that I am beyond proud of on my resume.  When I make it sound like college was miserable, it wasn't! It was.. just.. uncomfortable and a major time of growth in my life. But again, I adore my three college room mates and our circle of best friends with my entire heart and I am beyond proud of their accomplishments after college. UH AND HOW INCREDIBLY GORGEOUS ARE THEY?!

Ever since I was seven years old, I have journaled my thoughts/prayers/events of the day such as "Today was a good day" (yes, that was an entire journal entry at one point). But why a blog now? Why am I putting myself out there for every one else to see and read what I'm thinking. And let's be honest, the people who are taking the time to read this thing very well could end up being my mom, Dustin's mom, and our grandparents. And maybe my older sister will make it a point to say something about it just to make me feel better even though she probably won't have the patience to sit and read this whole thing. Anyway.  Why now? Well, I've been talking to my husband about things that have been brought up while he finishes his very-different-from-mine college experience. I am so passionate about what the Lord did in my life in college that I now throw my hands up in praise because He was at work and I didn't even know it. If God works in my life, why would I not share it with others?

"Give praise to the Lord, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done. Sing of him, sing his praises; tell of all his wonderful acts" (Psalm 105:1-2)

Am I going to use this to brag? I sure hope not. I want to use this blog to share how God is working in our life, our marriage, our families, our friends, just how God works in general. I want to share that He is so good even when we are so undeserving.  As I write this, I am sitting on a comfortable couch, wrapped in a pottery barn blanket, with TV on in the background. This past June I got married to the most incredible man, leader, and servant of God who loves me and cares for me and encourages me. I live in a conservative college town where there are more churches than places to eat (no exaggeration). I work 3-4 days a week as an RN at a children's hospital then what do I do? Oh, I work out, run errands, cook dinner, do some laundry, and maybe do some shopping. I am living a life that is centered on one thing-me. As Dustin and I are at such an exciting times in our life because we aren't really sure what the Lord has in store for us, I am realizing I have ZERO control over what happens. Isn't that always a fun realization for a girl who has had her life planned from day one? Where Dustin and I will be come January after he graduates, I don't know. And by prayer and diving into his Word, I can honestly say I'm okay with that. Again, it is beyond uncomfortable, but I have a God of Comfort who knows exactly where we'll be.